“And the Lord Remembered Her.”

I’m an outdoor leadership student, so yes, this painting depicts rock climbing. Don’t immediately check out if you’re not a climber- this imagery truly represents something much much deeper.

The last two pieces wrestled with lament and a longing for fullness of life. This piece continues to illustrate the work the Lord was doing in my heart during this period.

As I’ve mentioned before, I spent my summer ’23 on a ranch in New Mexico. While it was one of the hardest and most fruitful things I have ever done, coming back was harder. I can’t begin to try to explain how I felt or make it make sense for you- that is part of my lament, I couldn’t fully figure it out either. I came back, felt the initial relief of being home, and then never really settled in again. I couldn’t really figure out what my role was back at home anymore. Life had gone on without me for so long that it was easier to just let it keep happening that way once I got back to college. School was getting harder than it had ever been before- I was in way over my head and wasn’t sure if I was in the right major, if switching would even have me graduate on time, or if I could even afford school without my major-specific scholarships. Winter break was the longest I had been home since the previous winter break. Things were just hard and not getting better. I wasn’t myself and I knew it. The people closest to me knew it. I missed the same kind of community I had before I left and felt alone.

Also- reverse culture shock is real and hard. I struggled with feeling like my heart was somewhere else and even though it had been hard, there was need there and just when seeds were being sown was when it was time to come home. Out there hard came to me with unbrushed hair and the same set of clothes for a week. Hard came to you with difficult stories and fighting kids doing absolutely anything to be noticed. But at least lost was common and lost was looking for life. Maybe not in the right places, but what I saw was people looking for fulfillment. Willing to search and ask. I came back and saw lost hiding behind the luxury of a comfortable life. Lost refusing to acknowledge lostness because you show up to church and check the boxes.

Somewhere in the chaos of my heart/mind and my life, I ended up in a climbing gym. It was here that the Lord gave me 2 things:

⁃Community. Well, 2 communities.

1) A community of believers that loved God, adventure, each other, and the people around them.

2) The general community we had entered into, dwelling in brokenness.

This community of believers spoke life to each other and were light to the surrounding community they had entered into. One night after hours one of my very best friends sat us all down and said “Isn’t this cool?? Look around us. How cool is it that God has given us this place to be on mission?” Promptly after that, she prayed for all of us and for the space and the people we share that space with every day.

⁃The second thing the Lord gave me was an awakening and tangible image of surrender.

If you look back at the painting, the imagery depicts one of two things and I’m interested to see which you see:

1. A hand whose strength is failing; it is losing its grip.
2. A hand choosing to let go

This hand is me. During this time I was running on empty. I can’t tell you how many nights of tears there were. It felt like I was sleepwalking through life just waiting to wake up. Leaning on my own strength, even just partially, I was going to lose my grip. BUT GOD.

Looking back at the painting you can see a red string looped from the hold to the hand. If you have followed along my artistic journey for long, you may remember my use of a red string throughout my AP portfolio to represent God’s presence/nearness and intended path/purpose. It felt appropriate to bring that back for this piece. Here’s why…

If you know anything about climbing or have seen anyone climb before you have likely seen someone strap onto some kind of harness with a rope. I am terrified of heights and when I first started climbing I would climb and then stick to the wall and not let go. Even on an auto-belay, I wouldn’t let go and wore myself out trying to climb back down when I just needed to let go and let the belay do its job. This is where the Lord spoke to me. “Release your grip. Surrender. Let my strength uphold you. Do you trust me?”

After some hard things and harder conversations where I had to apply this- release my grip *COMPLETELY* and let the Lord’s strength uphold me, my joy was restored. The Lord was near to me and lifted my spirit- something clicked and I felt alive again.

This piece is entitled “And the Lord Remembered Her” based on Hannah’s story of lament and healing in 1 Samuel, but now that I am writing I realize it was the Lord that called me to remember Him.

“And the Lord Remembered Her”

Hayley Burkhead

Escape in You

jelizabeth art

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